I'm finally sixteen!

First off I would like to thank everyone who wished me today, I truly appreciate it guys!

I can oh so very confidently say that today was the GREATEST birthday I ever had, and it's all thanks to you guys ^^ I haven't felt so happy in such a long long time...

So lets see what happened today shall we? Went to school extra early today and fell asleep at my desk, earphones plugged in, and listening to random songs. Was rudely awakened when the soothing melodies suddenly switched to the obscene hollering that Chun Wee, Matthew, Zhi En and I call a Podcast.

Fell asleep once more, and to my surprise, this time I was awakened by the 'oh-so-familiar' bothering of Chi Haur violently shaking me. Isaac, Chi Haur and Zach had came over specially to wish me a birthday, and I would have all you guys a hug for filling me with so much happiness if I weren't half asleep, confused and listening to Dancing Queen! They gave me a beautiful set of red earplugs (which looked really really expensive o.o), and I love it so much! Haha, it sure is a welcome change to my battered hand-me-down set of default Mac earphones! Thanks a lot guys, the card was really special as well ;) I will surely treasure this forever and ever, and use it every single day!

Well, then it was off to normal lessons, although PE was really enjoyable. A full long session of good 'ol badminton sure helps loosen up the joints (and give me a chance to horribly injure Ting Wei), and me and Chun Wee had a great workout passing to and fro as we ran the length of the MPH ^^

Nothing else really remarkable for the rest of the school day, just slept and did alot of math questions. Chun Wee asked me to stay back for 'PoD project', but it was sadly too obvious guys, Chun Wee's too much of a slacker =D Thanks to Joshua, Bynes and Chun Wee for the cake and the gifts! The HSM socks are really warm and colourful, the pendant was really sweet and personal.

The pendant was really sweet and personal, the CD was really really great and I enjoyed every moment of the two years we spent together Joshua! Your friendship has been invaluable and one-of-kind. Thanks for the Bible as well! The HSM bookmark is really nice ^^

Headed home before going out for dinner at Raffles City at Prego, the same place I went too last year =D Thanks to my sis for the awesome shirt, and my mum and dad for the awsum Crumpler >.<

Thanks to everyone who wished me, especially Ngiam, Robert and Bee Tat who SMSed me in the wee wee hours of the morning ^^

I'm really glad I have so many friends I can rely on in my times of despair, and if it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't be around to celebrate my 16th birthday! Although the gifts are real sweet of you guys, no material present on this earth can EVER replace the beautiful friendship you have shared with me, in spite of me not being the nicest and well-tempered person, not to mention all the bits and pieces of trouble I always impose on you guys! I love you guys!


~~~~

Well since we're on the note of birthdays, I finally found some peekchurs on my phone from way back in June during Isaac's birthday. Haha enjoy!



Here's the card I bought on my way back from Dhoby Ghaut from one of those scam charity drive thingies. She even had the audacity to say it was handmade =P



Really sour lemon cake!



And finally the gift itself ^^. The other part of it was too small for me to catch on my camera anyways :)

Well at least now I know how to send pictures from my phone to my camera! Expect much more peekchurspam in the future.

5th June...

It's been one month since I've had the worst day of my life, and so much has happened

In just this tiny span of time, I've come to experience so much of the sinister side of life, the darkest recesses of my mind unfurling my sanity.

My heart was broken, and I fear it will never be the same again. Tears I have shed, and they still flow every night. I have come so near to a coward's death, and the thought still lingers in my mind. I finally understood why it hurts so bad to not hate, and to have the very foundations of my life shaken to it's very roots.

The dark clouds of suffering still hang low over me, but I have finally found the great anchor in these troubled times. I followed Joshua to his church for a miracle service, and I it was then I felt the veil of shadow finally being drawn apart by the power of God. It won't be easy for me to convert, for I live a life of sin, but I must, I cannot fail.

The Lord will save me from this burning agony and fill me with life once more.

Wow...so much has happened since the last time I posted...

But it's getting really late now and it would take me forever to go through those events, so I'll make this a short post. Let me show you my most treasured possession as of now, something I received only recently.

Its a simple titanium ring with a zirconium gem inlaid in it, and it comes with a steel chain...as for the words inscribed into it, that's for me to know and you to find out ;)




Well, then I stumbled upon the DVD's I had of Lord of the Rings and decided to watch it out of pure boredom, and decided to name the ring! Since I play a Blood Elf in WoW, I decided to name the ring in Thalassian, the language of the Quel'dorei. It just took a few moments of research on the internet, and I know it's real childish and such, but how often to you get the opportunity to do something like this?

So I decided to call the ring,

Femeienore'lo o'riom, Heirloom of the House of Belore'shasuoor

Wowee, that sure is a mouthful! For those of you too lazy to find out what that means, it roughly translates to Angel of my Love, Heirloom of the House of Sun-field.

There's a reason for why I called it that, and maybe you guys might be smart enough to find out. So go ahead, venture a guess =)

Till next time!

Well...

Unless you've been slow/lazy to scroll down, you would probably know I haven't been feeling all to joyful these few days. Well, it's been a rocky 4 days since it started, and honestly, I'm still not exactly too happy nor trusting, so please forgive me if I have been a tad snappy or quiet.

The worst of the turmoil has passed, but pangs of sadness still do over take me... But an improvement is an improvement! I've learnt a lot about life and love from this, and even found out several secrets too along the way. I've experienced the pain of heartbreak, the comfort of friendship, the awkwardness of the aftermath, and am no longer as naive as I was before...

I reckon it's all part of life isn't it? Only a person with the capacity to feel great pain has the emotion to experience overwhelming ecstasy...and hopefully that second bit comes soon in the form of a double victory at Nats!

I've even found the courage to voice my emotions and place my thoughts into actions that has eluded me for so very long, ever since Primary 4... I even find myself taking the first few baby steps to drawing nearer to God, to acknowledge him and thank him for sending down one of his angels to guide me in life. I made a new friend too!

Thanks to Bee Tat, Robert, Joshua Tay, and Nick Ngiam for helping me through this, Sean, Matthew, Chun Wee, Shahdan, Chris, Niranjan, and Matt Lee for the concern. I especially wanna thank Isaac and Zach for being so understanding and patient even though it was tough on you guys. I love all of you guys lots, and sorry if I missed anyone out!

Peace out!

Do you know what it's like, to feel so in the dark?
To dream about a life, where you're the shining star?
This is real,
This is me.

Well, here is my third poem attempt. Isaac told me not to be so emo so I tried a happier poem. It's a fairly simple if not excessively long poem, and it details the story of a young kid and his encounter with homosexuality and the likes. Hopefully, this will help people see homosexuals beyond a group of individuals driven by lust, and that true, innocent and pure love between homosexuals is possible.



You sayd

You sayd to forget it, to get over the memeries
That we were too young
To understand why we shouldnt kiss

I tot that was cute when you sayd that
Gazing at you sillyly
Giggling away

I tried to thought back of
A time when I didnt know you
It was dificult, I gave up quite soon

Techer scolded me today in English class,
Cauz I was writing a letter to you
And dangling it out the window
But the string broke and away it flew

She made me stay back during recess
Asking me why I wasn’t paying attenchun no more
I looked at her blankly, I didnt know how to say
What was it about the cat and the tounge again?

She sighed a few times before she gave me her chalk
“Write on the board”
,She said
“Everything on your mind”

I clozed my eyes and taught real hard,
I was scared techer wouldn’t be happy if I wrote lard
As my tummy grumbled,
I herd your voice outsyde,
So I wrote what I thot of you

Once moar I thought real hard,
I took the chalk, and wrote from the start
How we met, that time in the park
The bullys hit me cause they sayd I was short
You ripped your red shirt while helping me up

You smiled at me for the first time,
I remember those dimpels,
Front teeth missin
Yet so wide a grin
Like that Cheshire Cat techer talked about

So inocent and clean, I liked your hair
Were you an angel from heavens lair?
I sayd you smelt like my lucky coin,
That your eyes were like the milk
In my cereal bowl
I thot it was so very cute

You gave a hearty chuckle,
The sweetest sound I did hear
I never forgot it,
It was kinda like my favourite song
About that mermaid and her pearl
It was deep, but you mayd me comfertable

So I went back to skool, you said you studied right below me
I asked if we culd be friends
I didnt have any then, I was so scared that you wouldnt be the key
But you were so nyce, so very sweet
You sayd yes of course,
I thot that was really neat

I wanted to see you eveyday
You’re clasmates, my clasmates they all laughed
Sayd I was so mushy and such,
Cot by love, like the pikpocket the sheriff cuffed
But I didnt care, you were all that mattered

You stood up for me, when the bullys came
Younger and skinnier,
Yet so very brave
I cried when I saw your nose bleed
I kicked the bullys but they hit my head

When I sayd I had no friends,
That no one lovd me cause I was ugly
You gave me my first hug and sayd I was being silly
Took me by the hand to your class
Introdyuced me to your best friend

I never thought I wuld fall in love
But yet I did, I couldnt help it
I told your best friend, he sayd it wasnt right
For me to like you

“Why?” I asked, I did not undestand
“Is it because he’s an angel sent by God?”
He sayd he didnt know
Someone once told him it was not approved by the Lord

I didnt get it, why was it so?
Running home my mum I told
She grabbed my dad and shovd him into the study
They shouted quite a lot

I hid under the table and cried all night
I only stopped when you called,
To check if I was alright

I opeened my eyes,
The recess bell had rung twice
I looked around

I thought techer would be happy I filled the board
With all our happy mememries
She slapped my face instead, when she saw I wanted your kiss

Whats wrong with being in love I asked
As I walked right out of class
Why couldnt a boy like a boy?





Enjoy~

So... before school closed I decided to write a poem to submit to the Language Arts department internal literary competition. To be honest, I wrote one down last week, but because I felt that poems were practically songs without an obvious tune, so I expected myself to be truthful to my feelings and reflect myself and my life into the poems. Things changed drastically after I wrote the poem, and the wishful and more upbeat mood to it no longer suited me. Well, here's the second poem I penned, I hope you like it!




Someone Else


Tearful eyes gaze unto the stars
Love’s fond memories scarred Unrequited, forever it mars
My heart sang our songs Now agony cries, happy lyrics transformed
Lips I stayed, kept dry Arms unfilled hugs platonic, I do not lie, waiting
For my angel to breach My body, In my holy sanctuary unfurl
A yelp did I utter In unbearable horror
To find my angel Soiled in Man’s lust
Yet how could I hate, to not pretend
When he smiles Like that?
Sweetly rejected Sole consolation
My tears bleed forth
Because my Angel
Will always dream
of


Someone Else


The formatting screwed up a little when I transferred it from Word to over here, but I barely managed to salvage the structure of the poem >.<

What do you think of it? Leave your comments!

Edit: The formatting doesn't work here, look at the screen shot below. The capital letters mid-sentence signify a break and is meant to be read as a different sentence.

In all my 15 years, I thought I had felt pain and sadness to a degree that could go no further.

Yet today, the 5th of June, I have lost my reason to live. My heart which I have so faithfully followed has been smashed into pieces, my dreams ground to dust.

It is today I have felt the truly bitter pain of love.

It is today that I truly understand how it feels to be depressed.

It is today that I know why people commit suicide.

Why has thou forsaken me oh Cupid? If your arrows will not strike my heart, then let them strike me down.

I no longer have the will to carry on, the core principles of my life ruined.

I don't know what to do.

My Heartsong no longer cries out to the chorus of Hey Stephen. It writhes in pain as Teardrops on my Guitar reigns